you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
