i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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