I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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