drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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