nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
