His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
