I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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