3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
