i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
