why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
