I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
