She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
