My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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