her vagine was all disorganized.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
3 2 1 whiskey
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
