Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
