problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
