i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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