she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
