So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
