Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
