you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
