i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You're a waste of cheezeits
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
