She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
