Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
