i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He did a backflip because drugs
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
