So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
