Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You took a bar mat shot.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
