Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
