I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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