i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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