Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
