this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
