Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
