There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
