i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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