We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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