goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
