Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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