The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
