if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
