i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
