is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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