Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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