This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That accounts for only three of the penises
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
