I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
