He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
