The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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