did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
