bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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