If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
soo... how was my night?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
