I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was like getting head from an anaconda
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
