your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
